Hello everyone!
Being a teenager is hard; everyone says it, and we all know it’s true. It’s easy to feel like you need to act a certain way to be accepted by your peers, and we all want everyone to like us. In the long run, pretending to be someone other than your wonderful self will make things harder than they have to be. It’s cheesy advice, but it’s true- and I’m going to tell you exactly why it’s so important.
If you’re making a conscious effort to act differently than you normally would, you start to lose your old self. You won’t be able to distinguish your real personality from your new (fake) one, and this loss of identity can be very discouraging. I’ve experienced this myself, and it’s a really hard thing to deal with and recover from. Sometimes changing our behavior around others is almost a coping mechanism. For example, I’m a fairly shy/introverted person when it comes to meeting new people or being in large group settings, so I often act a lot more bland, boring, and frankly annoying when I’m with people I don’t know.
That strange behavior comes from me trying to make my shyness seem more natural and just a part of my personality, but it only makes things worse. I’ve been trying to work on being more outgoing and conquer my fears of public speaking and such for a while, and so far… I’ve made some baby steps, I guess? It’s natural for this type of altered personality to come into play if you experience shyness or social anxiety like me, but it can make things just as complicated as if you were changing your behavior on purpose.
Whichever way you slice it, a fake persona isn’t going to get you anything- except maybe a mini identity crisis. But how do you make sure you’re not subconsciously conforming to the strange social standards in order to fit in? No one has a perfect answer; we all feel peer pressure and we all have done something odd or dumb because of said peer pressure at some point. However, I will say that one of the things that’s helped me stay true to myself this past year is to stop caring about what you think of yourself.
This is a different approach than the typical “don’t listen to what others say/don’t care what other people think about you!” preach-y Pinterest quote, but it works the same way. (Don’t get me wrong, I love a good preach-y Pinterest quote; I’ve just heard this one too many times.) If you stop self-analzying and judging yourself on little things like your appearance, your social conduct, whatever else you do, it will carry over to other people. You can still judge yourself to a certain extent- I don’t think anyone can completely eliminate that- but it helps so much to just let it go.
For example, I might look in the mirror before heading to school and think, “Yikes, this is not my best look.” I can still think that, but I’m not going to freak out over it and change my outfit and put makeup on and be in a bad mood because I assume other people are judging my appearance. Instead, I’ll shrug, maybe do something that makes me feel a bit better like spray a nice perfume, and head out the door without a second thought. No one looks perfect everyday, and I certainly don’t care enough to try. I used to get caught up on those little things and try to dress with the trends, but I just don’t care anymore. Plus, I honestly just don’t have the time.
Speaking of time, we’re all pretty busy in high school. If you have a packed schedule of classes, school extracurriculars like sports/clubs/music, and volunteer work or jobs outside of school, you’ll stop over-analyzing the little things like being left out of a conversation at lunch or thinking that someone was judging you for saying the wrong answer to a question in class. You have to focus on the bigger picture and the fun engagements you have going on in your busy life.
We’re all still figuring ourselves out; no one really knows who they are yet. Not to throw a preach-y Pinterest quote in your face, but the best way to find yourself is to let yourself find you.
-Brooke
adventures of a typical high school student 